everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
