I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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