Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
