I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
