strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
