I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
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