Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
