Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
