I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
