I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
