the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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