I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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