i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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