How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I love having hate sex.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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