So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
