Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Randomize
