I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
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I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
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You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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