well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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