so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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