2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
