oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
