my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
MIDGETS
????
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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