i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
