butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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