Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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