he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
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