brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
