i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Randomize
