A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize