the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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