Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
