I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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