he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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