i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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