My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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