So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I lost the right to judge tonight
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
