I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i may or may not be watching the land before time
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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