I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
