I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me