WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator