Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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