After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
