It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
