oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
