so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
