Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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