I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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