He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
