it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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