Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
