mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
