Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Randomize
