Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
