hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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