you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
