You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
