Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
