I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
