I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I'm passing your future prison.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize