i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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