I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
