Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
