Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
