Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Me. At least after what I've been through.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
