so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
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My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
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Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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