Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
