I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i love accidental penises.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
