I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
